February 2012
1 post
The collection: B
November 2011
1 post
The collection: A
October 2011
1 post
2 tags
Horror Challenge rundown: The first update
#1 - Frozen Scream (1975, Frank Roach): Imagine carving a statue. Think about all the bits left over once you’ve chiseled your work from solid, shapeless rock. Now imagine trying to build another statue from those cast-off shards using only a hot glue gun. That’s as succinctly as I can describe Frozen Scream, a film that feels crafted from random leftovers of a larger, less nonsensical...
September 2011
2 posts
Tell them who you are.
Now that’s a credit list. As long as you’re choosing pseudonyms, why not go nuts?
(From Dale Berry’s Hot-Blooded Woman, 1965)
3 tags
A bigger buffet.
For yet another year, I’ll be participating in Adam Lemke’s Halloween Horror Challenge. Once again, I’ll try and keep some capsule reviews going of what I’ve seen (and I’ll try not to give up halfway through the month again), probably doing weekly capsule updates to save time. Also, as usual, I’ve amassed far more films than I’ll actually be able to watch...
August 2011
1 post
1 tag
Box these tales, Donnie.
Sharp-minded blogger (and two-time White Elephant participant) Jaime Grijalba is currently hosting a weeklong Richard Kelly blogathon over at his blog Exodus 8:2. I’d planned to contribute a piece on The Box, but I wasn’t able to get a copy in time. Still, there’s time yet to participate if you’ve got something you want to write, so I figured I’d at least let others...
June 2011
2 posts
2 tags
Looking for mushrooms.
While I tentatively get the Dusk to Dawn Project (v. 2) under way, I might as well throw this out there: There’s a number of films I’d very much like to cover for this that have proven a little elusive. If anyone has a line on where to find a copy of any of these, I’d be really appreciative. (Not that I expect anyone reading this to have a print of Santa’s Christmas Circus...
2 tags
Tear up the map, draw a new one.
I’ve never been good at sticking to things. I don’t think I’ve ever finished something I set out to do, honestly - eventually, it gets to be a chore just keeping myself going. This has only gotten worse in the years since I’ve taken on a modicum of responsibility at my job, gotten married and so on. This is why I haven’t written much these last few years.
But these days, I can’t stop myself from...
April 2011
1 post
A true White Elephant, galumphing and ghastly.
I must write it all down. Exactly as it happened. While it is fresh in my memory. But my hand trembles. Why? Twice I’ve dropped the black keyboard. Now I sit at the computer screen, making the greatest effort to calm myself, not only for its own sake, but also for you, Internet, who never dreamed that anyone could witness totally a fantastic artistic abortion and survive….
The...
March 2011
1 post
5 tags
The Rosetta shot: "Hatchet II"
You know how teenaged gorehounds sometimes make excitable lists of all the bizarre and hyperbolic ways they’d like to see people dispatched in films? There’s a reason big-budget movies aren’t made from those lists.
Adam Green’s Hatchet isn’t a great movie. It’s not even a good movie. But it does scratch, however nakedly, that old-school slasher itch; once...
February 2011
1 post
2 tags
Hey! Guess what starts tomorrow!
OH YES.
December 2010
1 post
2 tags
New things, new things.
Hey, in case you’re reading this: Yes, I know the blog died again. It tends to do that around this time of year. But no fear - in a couple of months, this space will be alive with Muriel Awards activity! Before that, though, there’s something else.
Because I clearly don’t have enough to do, myself and Simon Abrams are looking to put together a podcast where we talk about…...
October 2010
13 posts
6 tags
Horror Challenge entry #11: The Body Shop AKA...
How bad does a film have to be to make Herschell Gordon Lewis’s films look like sensitive, thoughtful masterpieces in comparison? This damn bad.
Starts off promisingly dumb, with a mad scientist using tin foil on a body “to seal in all the radium” and a midget hunchback who needs help putting on his lab coat, but the fun doesn’t last. Patterson ladles on the grue in this...
4 tags
Horror Challenge entry #10: The Haunted Strangler...
I gotta admit - this film sucker-punched me. I knew nothing about it going in other than Boris Karloff was in it and it was part of the same cycle that birthed Corridors of Blood, a Karloff/Day collaboration I liked very much. The Haunted Strangler shares a lot in common with that film, as Karloff here as there plays a crusading man trying to advance his field (surgery there, investigation here)...
4 tags
Horror Challenge entry #9: Laid to Rest (2009,...
This really coulda been something if it didn’t keep getting in its own damn way. I guess, since it’s not 1983 anymore, it’s not enough for a movie to simply be an inventive and gruesome slasher flick - it needs to have a plot and characters and stuff, stuff more complicated than, “big dude in mask guts people.” What irks about Hall’s sophomore feature is that...
5 tags
Horror Challenge entry #8: Marebito (2004, Takashi...
Is Shimizu a protege of Shinya Tsukamoto? If so, that would explain a lot about his filmmaking. Tsukamoto stars in this film that Shimizu knocked out between Grudge franchise entries, and his particular brand of vaguely meaningful incoherence is all over this tale of a freelance photographer who descends into an underground world and comes back with… something. I’d lay the blame on...
4 tags
Horror Challenge entry #7: After.Life (2010,...
Allow me to boil this film down to its essence:
CHRISTINA RICCI: I’m not dead.
LIAM NEESON: Yes, you are.
CHRISTINA RICCI: I don’t feel dead.
LIAM NEESON: Trust me, you are.
CHRISTINA RICCI: How do you know?
LIAM NEESON: I’m a funeral director, I know corpses when I see them.
CHRISTINA RICCI: So how are we having this conversation?
LIAM NEESON: I can talk to the dead....
5 tags
Horror Challenge entry #6: The Pack (1977, Robert...
(Written for the Killer Animal Blogathon.)
When I announced this particular blogathon, I knew already which film I was going to view and write about. I’d love to say that I had a highfalutin’ reason for my conviction, but it was merely because I did a Robert Clouse flick for the last blogathon I participated in, and I liked the idea of keeping a bit of consistency. Too bad that...
5 tags
Horror Challenge entry #5: Redneck Zombies (1987,...
I don’t know what’s more unexpected - that most of the best parts of a film titled Redneck Zombies have nothing to do with either rednecks or zombies, or that a film titled Redneck Zombies has “best parts” at all. I know that sounds like snark, but I mean that in all sincerity - Redneck Zombies isn’t really a good film, and who would really want a “good”...
7 tags
Horror Challenge entry #4: The Video Dead (1987,...
Holy ballsack, is this film ever terrible.
That’s all I have to say about it. No, really. It’s fucking awful, I don’t understand the minor cult that’s sprung up around it and I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s move the fuck on.
Okay, fine. You want proof? Here. See how long you make it before wanting to punch something in rage:
6 tags
Horror Challenge entry #3: Daybreakers (2010,...
A stylish and darkly funny social satire with horrific elements for much of its running time, but it’s clearly a film where the concept was a strong draw yet the Spierigs never quite figured how to fully utilize it. They set up the world, set up the conflict and set up the characters, yet on the evidence here they never quite nailed down how to resolve that conflict with the characters and...
4 tags
Horror Challenge entry #2: Blood Bath (1966, Jack...
Nothing I come up with is going to be as on-the-money as the film’s own critique of itself: “An interesting technique, but it needs something.” Given time and space to shape it, Blood Bath could have really worked, colliding modern-art phoniness with a particularly dark strain of classicism. The “dead red nudes” painted by the chief antagonist (a painter who believes...
5 tags
Horror Challenge entry #1: Frozen (2010, Adam...
Maybe this Green kid knows what he’s doing after all. Far removed from the jokey emptiness of Hatchet, Frozen is a taut, ruthless and dead serious bit of survival horror that wants us to care about what happens to its unfortunate characters. Myriad are the horror films where youngsters, privileged youngsters, do stupid stuff to deserve their fate and we in the audience agree. Rarer, and much...
3 tags
Nine out of ten times, you lose that battle.
My review of The Other Guys posted today on In Review Online. Horror Challenge reviews to commence soon, promise.
2 tags
The Horror Challenge : THE RETURN!
If you enjoyed my dalliance with Adam Lemke’s Horror Challenge last year… well, you’re in luck, ‘cause I’m doing it again this year. You know the drill - as many horror films as possible during the 31 days of October. Hopefully this year, I’ll keep up better with the writing, too.
Also! I announced a blogathon over on Our Science last week. October 17th....
September 2010
2 posts
6 tags
The Rosetta shot: "The Toolbox Murders" (1978)
So, yeah. A naked, bruised woman with a nail gun held point-blank at her head by a black-gloved figure. That’s… blunt.
Look at that debased image. No, really. Look at it. Process it, roll it around in your mind. That is an actual shot from an actual movie that was actually released in general release. What does that say about the film that contains it?
For one thing, it says...
7 tags
The Rosetta shot: "Deported Women of the SS...
Yeah, more boobs. It always gets worse before it gets better, etc.
Seriously, though, look at that shot. What do you see? Breasts, naked flesh, a large phallic nightstick. You know what you don’t see in that shot? Swastikas. Uniforms. Nazi paraphernalia. Things like that. You’d think that, if I am to capture a film that openly traffics in Nazi symbols, I’d have to include an...
August 2010
3 posts
5 tags
3 tags
The Rosetta shot: "The Shuttered Room"
You don’t see it in every film, but most films have ‘em - a single shot that sums up the entirety. These shots can communicate vast amounts of vital information about the work in question even to those who are unfamiliar with that work. In an effort to keep some kind of content flowing through here, I’m going to start periodically highlighting these types of shots. And I’ll...
4 tags
It's on his face, expensive taste.
I have to admit, this is one of my favorite reaction shots in all of cinema.
Look at him. He’s just so damn happy. I couldn’t look that happy if I ingested ten pounds of meth and pulled the corners of my lips up with clothes hangers.
And why, might you ask, is this bespectacled goofball so happy? Uschi Digard is across the room from him, and she’s not wearing clothes. If you...
June 2010
5 posts
8 tags
An Elephant in the East.
When it comes to the notorious White Elephant Exchange Blogathon, I have been quite mean these past two years. To be fair, I got blind-sided by Bio-Dome in the inaugural edition, so I had some fury that needed venting. But still - there’s really no excuse for the two nuclear stinkbombs I tossed into the pot. People shouldn’t even know of the existence of King Kung Fu and Maniac Nurses...
5 tags
From the Shelf: The Bakery Girl of Monceau (1963,...
Acquired: December of ‘08 as a Christmas gift.
Seen before?: Once - June 1st, 2008 from a disc checked out from the library.
Eric Rohmer is the kind of filmmaker that makes me realize how inadequate I am at this reviewing game. Give me a piece of mangy, downmarket, unloved genre fiction and I’ll tear it open and describe, in minute detail, what’s going on within its innards....
3 tags
From the Shelf: The Bank Dick (1940, Edward Cline)
Acquired: Late 2003 or early 2004, whenever it was that Criterion put their disc out of print.
Seen before?: Once, in August of 2004.
“During Fields’ career, industry standards required good to be rewarded and evildoing punished, but in “The Bank Dick” Fields plays an alcoholic misanthrope who lies, cheats and steals and is rewarded with wealth and fame.” - Roger...
4 tags
7 tags
Feed her!
My review of The Human Centipede (First Sequence) went up over the week at In Review Online. I’m not a fan.
May 2010
4 posts
5 tags
From the Shelf: Bad Santa (2003, Terry Zwigoff)
Acquired: I… I don’t actually remember. Pretty sure I bought it rather than received it as a gift, but couldn’t tell you the time frame.
Seen before?: Several times.
This is a film I adore and have seen a number of times. Because I adore it, and because I’ve seen it a whole lotta buncha times, I don’t feel I have anything to say about it that I haven’t...
1 tag
Liquid gold.
Here’s the haul from my latest trip to my (semi)local beer mecca:
Blue Point Crop Circle Amber Ale
Brown’s Brewing Whiskey Barrel Aged Porter
Goose Island Night Stalker Imperial Stout
Goose Island Pere Jacques 2010
Harviestoun Ola Dubh 40 Special Reserve Ale
Jolly Pumpkin La Roja Artisan Amber Ale
Left Coast Asylum Belgian-Style Tripel Ale
Nogne O Dobbel IPA
Nogne O Special...
1 tag
Tight science.
Why am I posting this? Mainly because I watched it last night for the first time in a long while and also because FUCK YOU NOBODY NEEDS AN EXCUSE TO POST “MR. SHOW,” OKAY?!?!?!
Ahem.Without further ado, here is a two-part shot of awesome:
4 tags
Where we've been.
I’ll be back soon - got a few things that need taking care of first. In the meantime, here’s a few pieces posted at In Review Online (which just debuted its snazzy new design):
Vincere Kick-Ass How to Train Your Dragon
April 2010
11 posts
1 tag
Plans change. Again.
So, just a couple months after back-burnering the Dusk to Dawn Project, I’ve decided to bring it back. I like the From the Shelf idea, but here’s the thing: I can do that ANY TIME. Because I own these flicks. They aren’t going anywhere. However, I’ve noticed a disturbing number of DVDs I need for the Dusk to Dawn Project (and my need to see every Something Weird/Image...
5 tags
From the Shelf/D2D update #87: The Babysitter...
(Featured in 42nd Street #2.)
Acquired: Last week, from Amazon.
Seen before?: Nope.
The Babysitter is about a midlife crisis cured by humping. And not just any humping - humping a free-spirited 19-year-old blonde who is decidedly not your wife. Such wonderful things the movies teach us these days!
Sarcasm aside, this black-and-white piece of cheesecake from the man who would be Billy Jack...
3 tags
A riddle so strong.
So I’m an occasional patron of a nearby gentleman’s club. (Why? I like titties. Don’t judge me.) Most of the songs played in this place are what you’d expect - pop, hip-hop, hair metal, anything with a good groove to it. Saturday evening, though… there was a song that, shall we say, stuck out. Far be it from me to impugn on a girl’s choice of dance music, and...
3 tags
One decade later, and another one must fall down.
Totally forgot to mention: My review of the retarded Remember Me went up last week at In Review Online. Check it out.
3 tags
From the Shelf: Autumn Sonata (1978, Ingmar...
Acquired: Early in ‘08, used from an FYE.
Seen before? Once - May 20th, 2008.
True story: I put this film on last week after a long day at work, having not slept well for the previous few nights because of the vicious cold I had caught. So I was sick and exhausted, and I planned to merely watch the first half-hour or so of this before passing out. 90 minutes later, I’m still awake...
5 tags
From the Shelf: Army of Darkness (1993, Sam Raimi)
Acquired: In 1998 from some now-defunct online retailer - part of the first batch of DVDs I ever bought.
Seen before?: A whole bunch of times. Can’t remember the last time, but it’s been a while.
Is there anything as painful as revisiting something you love and finding it’s not as good as you remember? I know the manic ramshackle nature of this is really part of its charm,...
6 tags
From the Shelf: Arang (2006, Ahn Sang-hoon)
Acquired: April of ‘07 as a review screener from the sadly-defunct Tartan Films.
Seen before?: Once - May 7th, 2007.
I covered most anything that’s worth covering in my Blogcritics review of this well-worn ghost movie, though it’s probably worth mentioning that the line of dialogue cited in the review (“It’s better to meet a ghost than a pervert”) more or...
5 tags
From the Shelf: Apocalypse Now (1979, Francis Ford...
Acquired: A long, long time ago (probably mid-2000).
Seen before?: Twice, both times from this DVD, Last viewing likely late in 2003.
For my money, the greatest war film I’ve ever seen. There’s the famous Truffaut quote about a truly anti-war film being impossible to make because cinema makes war seem exciting; if we accept this as a truism, I submit that Coppola’s...
5 tags
From the Shelf: The Ape (1940, William Nigh)
Acquired: Given to me by my mother a number of years ago.
Seen before?: Once - February 15th, 2005.
I didn’t have much to say the first time around, and I don’t have much to add to that not-much. This is a B-movie programmer of the worst kind, the kind that is neither interesting nor incompetent enough to be memorable. It’s literally film as product, cranked out like a...
6 tags
From the Shelf: Amarcord (1973, Federico Fellini)
Acquired: May of 2007, from Amazon.
Seen before?: No.
A flashback crafted as only Fellini could. Loosely structured around a handful of characters, notably towheaded teen Titta and temptress-in-red Gradisca, this details a year in the life of an Italian village. Mussolini is in power, yet while Fascism is a part of the lives of the citizens (and there’s a terrific setpiece involving a...
4 tags
From the Shelf: Annie Hall (1977, Woody Allen)
Acquired: A long time ago. Probably 2001 or 2002.
Seen before?: A couple of times, the last time off this DVD… um, a long time ago.
Looking at it from a remove of twenty years, I think the reason that Woody’s big artistic breakthrough was as successful as it was is that, in the context of the work that had already come, it does seem like a different breed - more serious, honest,...