D2D entry #49: Blood Beach (1981, Jeffrey Bloom)
(Featured in 42nd Street Forever #3.)
Blood Beach is of that rare species of exploitation film whose existence seems beside the point. By that, I mean that the worth of the film is predicated entirely on an irresistible and well-known ad campaign (summed up in the legendary tagline, “Just when you think it’s safe to go back in the water… you can’t get to it.”), and the actual product it advertises is so useless and uninspiring that might as well not be. Everyone remembers the hard-sell because that which was being sold was dead air, unworthy of being remembered even as a waste of money. It’s cinematic reverse-engineering. (See also: Snuff.)
If you’ve seen the poster, and you have at some point in your life, you’ve already done the film one better. Just for kicks, here it is:
I’d watch the shit out of that movie. Wouldn’t you? The actual Blood Beach is goat shit, dull and lazy no-budget hackwork welded together with spare Jaws parts by people who shouldn’t be near filmmaking equipment. But we’ll always have that one-sheet.
